it's the most wonderful time of the year

despite the 68 degrees weather, christmas lights can make anyone festive. i went to see the zoo lights at the national zoo with tim and jiheon last night and it was fun!! we had funnel cake, got free stuff, and made animal noises like we were 6 years old again. i want to do this every year :) 

dear santa

what girl doesn't like to put together a list of things? whether it be 250 things she looks for in a man, or a playlist for studying, working out, and if you're like me, an "american" playlist so your white friends aren't like wtheck is this when shinee starts playing on my ipod, you like to make lists. so i thought i would--for fun--gather my christmas wish list in a blog. i am not really asking for any of this, it is merely a window-shopping kinda thing except...virtual and public. so in no particular order...

yorkshire mohair scarf from madewell. i've always wanted a red knit scarf. i still want a red knit scarf. my cousin danbi is gonna teach me how to knit in january so i'm gonna try to save myself $60 and make my own. 

hillhouse sweater from madewell. yes, another madewell item. i freakin love this store. it's like the more stylish-younger sister of jcrew. too bad everything costs a kidney. anyways, i loooove these kind of thin, crewneck sweaters. they are perfect for work, fun, comfort, warmth, and layering. the collar detail is something my sister would love and would usually make me gag, but i love them on this sweater! it makes something so plain, very feminine and unique. also, yay for stripes! too bad it's sold out :(

tarte amazonian clay 12 hour blush in exposed. if i could collect one makeup item, it would definitely be blush. i love the look of flushed pink cheeks and this color i've been wanting for months now but haven't been able to convince myself to spend more money on blush. i asked my sister to get it for me, but it was sold out! it is also sold out at my sephora! are there a million other rebecca's out there? who is buying all of these things?!!

williams-sonoma apron in claret. call me old-fashioned but i love aprons. my mom wears an apron every day - these days she wears the one i got made in venice :) but many many years ago, my sister and i got her a williams-sonoma apron in black (to hide the kimchi stains) and she had it for years....these are the sturdiest aprons, also classic. i bet these last longer than the froo froo frilly ones from anthropologie. i'm not saying they aren't cute...they're so freakin cute, but i would probably wear my clothes over the apron to protect it, it's that cute. anyways, this color, not really cherry red, is beautiful...perfect to cover blood stains....jk. i don't cut myself in the kitchen....that much :/

victorinox 8-inch chef's knife. if you've read above, i have some...difficulties in the kitchen. also it is hard to find a good knife that is not dull nor cheap. but i've read reviews (yes i read online reviews on kitchen knives) of this knife. supposedly it is the best out there for "amateur cooks" (that's me!!!). at a decent price of $25 i think, it is brilliant. i cannot find it at any store i've looked at and i am scared to order it online because knowing me, i will cut myself while opening the package. 

musee de the teapot from teavana. isn't this beautiful? i drink tea about twice a day. and i loove absolutely love this glass teapot. i also love the double-wall insulated tea cups. traditional froo froo frilly english teapot and tea cups are cute as well but these are COOL and modern. i want some crumpets with it. 

slatkin & co 3-wick candle in merry mistletoe. virginia gets a lot of power outages. like a lot. and i am a witto scwaedee cat in the dark. (that is until i bought one of those tap lights that i like to put under my shirt and pretend i am iron man) not really...i'm not that scared. it's just that it's hard to use the bathroom or shower with your phone when you only have 25% battery left. so i started looking into candles. i went to bath and body works and sniffed over 50 different scents till i literally got a headache. but out of all the scented candles, this one smelled the best......it tickled my nose and warmed my heart. it smells clean and fresh, without a hint of holiday spice or vanilla cupcake frosting. just the way i like it. only downside, no more iron man :(

a black french beret. i saw a girl wearing one on the metro before and it looked so cute! i tried one on at h&m and i think i looked like the muffin man or a mushroom head--or maybe i thought it was cute...but if i thought it was cute, why didn't i get it? hm...i don't really remember what i thought...OH! it's cause i tried it on in front of a mirror and while i was trying it on, i was self conscious of people watching me who were probably thinking "that girl has a mushroom on her head" or what not and i just put it back. sadness. one day i will try it on again and make my final verdict. as of now, this is still on my wish list because that girl on the metro pulled it off so well! 

hunger games by suzanne collins - i love to read books on my commute. and have actually finished quite a lot just on the metro. and i love books. not a kindle fan over here. whenever i get a bookshelf, i wanna fill it with books, so i look smart and well-cultured to my guests. 

and last but not least.............

A PUPPY!!! oh i would do anything for a puppy. the left is a samoyed pup and the right is a french bulldog pup. sooo cute >.< sometimes, at work, if i'm stressed, i google "cute puppies" (that is how i found out about the samoyed breed) sigh too bad i am at work all day and my apartment doesn't allow pets :( one day, stella and libby you will be mine. (their names) 

first time trying oyster

I tried my first oyster at the company holiday party. can you tell what i thought about it? i hesitated posting this picture cause i think my reaction is really ugly but i still think it's kinda funny. it was briney...

Gotta love the FLOTUS

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you.” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

goal

i want to learn how to knit so i can make scarves for friends and family...and this for my future baby....

we underestimate our propensity to sin and overestimate our ability to resist temptation.

10 years ago

wanting the constant approval of people

“In an ego-centered culture, wants become needs, the self replaces the soul, and human life degenerates into the clamor of competing autobiographies." Cornelius Plantinga

this quote strikes me so much because i feel like in our society--in my generation--we're always trying to one-up somebody. you had to be busier than all of your busy friends...whatever you did for the holidays or the weekend has to be cool and unique. and what would be so great about all the labels and brand named items if no one cared to notice?

when i go on facebook...i see this magnified. sometimes i see it in statuses, wall posts, pictures, etc. i am probably guilty as well in both sides where i might subtly asked to be recognized or i might praise somebody for what they decided to showcase. facebook is a constant need for approval. and i see this even more so with some of the cmu people ever since the "like" function came to be. it blows trivial things to disproportionate significance. you had to be the first one to mention that you saw that cool movie at midnight. you have to show who you're drinking with on a saturday night. you have to show what expensive gift your boyfriend got you for your 4 month anniversary. i am not targeting any one person but i am just tired of thinking "oh i wasn't part of that, why wasn't i?" or "i can never look like that". facebook, i guess could edify and spiritually encourage people in certain cases, but for the most part, there's not much glory going to God through facebook. and i am contemplating deactivating my facebook again..

i am one of the biggest people-pleasers--a euphemism for a pushover. i rarely state my opinion and simply agree with what somebody else has to say. therefore, i find myself struggling with finding out why i care so much about pleasing people. am i doing this to follow the example of Christ? or do i have some unrighteous motivation to appear righteous? how do i get to the root of this? i guess i haven't figured out who i am yet since i have no idea why i do what i do. ha! oh this is silly. it is cause i have ADD and can never sit down and just meditate and think about things, like i used to.

my mind is all flustered and i have so much to say but again my ADD has hindered me from being an efficient writer. POINT IS: if the desire to be accepted by people is greater than the desire to please God, it is sinful. don't let what other people think control what you can do for the kingdom. Jesus said "my God my God, why have you forsaken me"....Jesus, the son of God, embodied all our sins on the cross and endured the disapproval of God so that we could have the eternal approval of God we don't deserve.

Date a Girl Who Loves Jesus

By Ashley MacKenzie

(A response to “Date a Girl Who Reads” and other parodies.)

Date a girl who loves Jesus. Date a girl who would rather stay at home reading Scripture on a Friday night than be out partying with a group of friends. She has issues with space because her shelves are overflowing with the works of Lewis, Edwards, Spurgeon, Piper and more. Date a girl who spends her money on others instead of clothes and other frivolous things.  

Find a girl who’s passionate about the Gospel. You’ll know that she is because she will always have her Bible in her bag and she’s always read to help others. She’s the one lovingly giving up her spare time to spend it with those in need, the one who lets out a silent but compassion-filled cry for the state of the world and all of His people.You see that girl sitting and talking by herself, looking sort of out-of-place, and admiring her surroundings? That’s her. She can’t resist taking time out of her day to talk to God and thank Him for His blessings.

And boy, is she ever thankful.

She’s the one who’s got that look on her face when she’s in worship, that look that shows you can tell where her focus is in that moment. Eyes closed and hands raised, or perhaps she is sitting in stillness and silence. Either way, you can see a light in her that isn’t like anything you’ve ever seen. She’s the one who isn’t afraid to fall to her knees or dance in the joy of the LORD.

She’s in it, she’s in love with Love Himself.

This girl has some serious self-respect; she doesn’t parade around announcing her flaws in hopes of reassurance or compliments. She knows that she was created in His image and no matter what society says; she is beautiful. She doesn’t need anyone to remind her. She knows how intricately created she is, placing her self-worth in Christ and Christ alone.

A girl who loves the LORD isn’t going to be caught up in pointless things. She doesn’t flip through the channels of the TV searching for the latest soap opera. She doesn’t mindlessly watch trashy movies, lusting over the lead actor. She isn’t flipping through the pages of a unrealistic romance novel, hoping and wishing that it comes to life. She’s studying and learning. She’s thinking and engaging with the world around her. She’s reading His Word and applying it to her life and how she interacts with others. This girl isn’t wasting her God-given gifts on the world and it’s pleasures, she’s using them toward the advancement of His Kingdom, all for the Glory of the LORD.

If you end up dating her, consider yourself blessed because you know God gave her to you. The LORD has selected her especially for you and prepared the both of you for each other. She’s not the kind of girl who pines for the next guy to come into her life. No, she is patient. She waits upon the LORD and His timing. She does not complain or become anxious, for she knows that Christ is her focus above all things

Pray for her. Pray with her.

This is one of the greatest gifts you can offer her. Read the Bible with her. Tell her about the things God is doing in your life. She cares, and she loves to hear them. Teach her with the wisdom of Solomon, lead her like Moses with a faith like Abraham. She will search you to see if you have David’s heart for God. But most of all, you must love her with the Love of Christ Himself because a girl who loves Jesus is very special. She is bold like Esther, hospitable like Lydia, submissive like Mary and she consistently thrives to align her life with the very words found in Proverbs 31. Scripture is her daily bread, and she grows off of God’s consistent grace and compassion.

Date a girl who loves Jesus more than she will ever love you. Date a girl who acknowledges her God-given mission in life and the priority it has over all things. Know that God has placed you by her side for a reason; you’re in this together and God has plans for the both of you. You’re in good hands as long as you stay within the center of God’s will. This girl will keep you on the Holy path, and trusts you will be honest with you when you are struggling…because she always will. Date a girl who loves Jesus because He loves you, and He just wants the best for you.

Or better yet, marry a girl who loves Jesus.

*note to self*

REBECCA, READ THIS WHEN YOU ARE SUFFERING

james is one of my favorite books of the bible because it is so dense and meaty. it's one of those books where you want to underline everything! anyways, we are going through the book of james at frontline and i am so excited to study it word by word. today's passage focuses on james 1:1-4, finding joy in suffering.

one character who exemplifies real faith is job. despite his tribulations "job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and WORSHIPED. he said "naked i came from my mother's womb, and naked i shall return there. the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord" (job 1:20-21). we have to understand the nature of God in order to comprehend how to have joy despite hardships.

i will always remember this saying "faith that is easy is faith that is fading". faith does not grow during easy days. and with that, i want to remember romans 5:3-5 always: "and not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us" YES! PTL! Rebecca, if you are reading this because you are suffering something and you are not praising the Lord by now, go wash your face with some dirt.

if you are still not convinced that you will get over this, read on...

one of the MAJOR ways how we christians live our lives different from the world's is in the way we respond to trials in our lives. our culture tries to numb or drown out pain and reality through mediums such as drinking, shopping, falling into addictions, our computer screens...but as followers of jesus christ, we find joy and endurance to season faith in Him. Jesus is calling our name.

and i hope to end with this prayer:

"hear my cry, O God; give heed to my prayer. from the end of the earth i call to You when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than i. for You have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. let me dwell in Your tent forever; let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings" psalm 61:1-4

i die

good friday

tomorrow, there will be a new hire on my team. and every time someone joins the team, we go out to lunch that is usually paid for. i was excited cause i love free food and have been looking forward to this since tuesday. however, tomorrow is good friday and i usually fast till dinner. i hope tomorrow when my coworkers ask me why i will not be joining them for lunch, God gives me a platform to share my faith and for boldness.

an oldie but goodie

this song is so simple yet so lovely. this is my desire to honor You. 
what a way to start the week. happy monday! :)

look how much it grew in 2 days!! :)

tulips

i have been looking forward to today since last week! today after work, shi and i went to merrifield garden center where they have endless flowers, trees, shrubs, herbs, everything you need for a garden...or a farm. soooo pretty! we had so much fun especially since the weather was beautiful! gah i love spring.

and then we got some takeout chinese and went to his place to watch.....dun dun dun....."inside job"--winner of oscar 2011 best documentary, narrated by matt damon, an expose on what happened during the financial crisis in 2008. since my work project is about the wall street reform, it was so informative and fun to watch. but now, i want to go to capitol hill and protest cause i can't believe what has happened to our government. it is being puppeteered by wall street! gah makes me angry. everybody watch. 

then to alleviate our frustration and continue the night of documentaries, we watched "BABIES". my cheeks still hurt from smiling and laughing. absolutely no dialogue but if you're baby-obsessed like me, you will sit there squirming and freakishly smiling for a good hour and a half--that's not including rewinding and watching some of the cutest scenes ever documented known to man. 

tonight was a fun night :) 

tulips that i bought at merrifield that will bloom in a few weeks! with a picture of us in rome :)

feeling warm and tingly

i am at peace with the Lord.

i am filled with unconceivable joy. 

i am in a season of greater intimacy with the Holy Spirit. 

.......and it feels so good :)

God has been romancing me lately. showing me his love for me in so many ways, even in the littlest things:

• the cherry blossoms here are so beautiful--God created them. 
• i came home one night and saw random fireworks from my window--He knows how much i love fireworks.
• tonight's moon felt like the sun with its warmth--He gave us this random day of 83 degrees weather. 

and He is constantly reminding me of His love for me. tonight at frontline service, we were reminded that the Holy Spirit is with us always. we shouldn't be asking ourselves, how much are we filled with the Holy Spirit but rather how much of the Holy Spirit is filled with us? what can we give to a God who owns everything? all we can offer up is our hearts, our love. 

sorry this entry is so random and all over the place. bottom line is: God is good. 

singleness/marriage

today at crossroads, we were blessed to have pastor sam/alice, ker/youngeun and jerry/christina to share with us their wisdom on marriage and just truly study the purpose of marriage for christians. i won't write a long entry but just some points that i jotted down and don't want to forget:

• two christians in a relationship does not make it a christian relationship
• during singleness, treasure time with Christ. take root in the Lord and focus solely in Christ
• marriage is a place of redemption and healing: redemptive in the sense that even though your spouse sees the worst in you, he still loves you. imagine how much God must really love you despite knowing ALL of you...even the nastiest bits. humanly, we can represent God in that way
• there will be times when you need to be forgiven and for you to forgive. there is almost nothing harder to do than to forgive. for christians, we have an objective reason to forgive: Christ. cause he infinitely forgave us. 
• a christian marriage = holiness of spouse rather than happiness of self. 
• in the Bible, sex is meant for three purposes: 1) procreation 2) pleasure 3) spiritual intimacy. the world today focuses primarily on one
• marriage is made to unveil the mystery of God. if it is a mystery meant to be unveiled, it must be seen by people. communities/accountability partners/mentors are important

**long overdue** past weekend

i went to pittsburgh and what seemed like a short trip to see old friends and celebrate my anniversary with matt turned out to be something far greater than i could ever anticipate.

as soon as i got there, we went to go see yvette, the best hostess for whom i'm very thankful :) and then went to waterfront to watch the king's speech, which was pretty good. after the movies, matt and i met up with pastor lee for some informal relationship counseling. at first, there was a lot of small talk, how's work, life, etc. and as soon as we sat down, i was overwhelmed with questions. question after question. how well do you think you know each other? what are his biggest fears? what do you argue about? why do you feel  it's okay to bitch at matt but not at anybody else? and i got defensive because i felt like he was attacking our relationship. it's kinda like peeling a scab.....my relationship has been, up till recently, very shallow, not truly God-centered, and just going downhill really fast. we were desperate for change. after all the arguments we've had, we would put a bandage over the wound and let it scab, not a permanent healing but a temporary one. and when we were talking to pastor lee, he was ripping off our bandage...what we had laid out to cover the wounds, he was revealing everything, getting to the nastiest, most hurtful things. he wanted to get to the root of it, and he brought up something that i am still confused about.

i remember telling april one night when she was visiting me, that i feel like a chameleon. i change and cater to the needs of different people. so i'm a different person with my family than i am with my friends, with my boyfriend, and with my church friends. i am a people pleaser and a pushover. i take the more passive role in a relationship. i am not assertive or affirmative. and it's because my worst fear, is having someone think/say something bad about me. i don't know why i am the way i am but that is what it is. i never want to seem bossy so when i suggest a group of us do something, i'll push for it, until someone doesn't want to and i'll stop. and i feel as if nobody wants to be with a depressing, pessimistic person, so i am always the happy person. i hate confrontations so if you are bothering me, i will never say it to your face. i will hold it in and when i can't anymore, i'll explode. i wish i were like some people i know who immediately tells the person what is bothering them and likes to resolve the issue then and there. i am more of a forgive-a-little-never-forget kind of person. and that affected my relationship. because i would tiptoe around matthew, not wanting ever to disappoint him, but when i can't hold it in, i would blow up and blindside him by bringing up hurtful things he may have done 2 weeks ago that he didn't even know. but the issue was, i would only confront matthew. i would never think about blowing up on my friends and telling them how they've hurt me. so pastor lee asked me, am i a pushover to my friends? (yes sometimes) a pushover to matt? (yes but only for a while) a pushover to my parents? (no) a pushover to my sister? (definitely not).....then i'm not a natural pushover. i am pretending to be someone because i am hiding something. that is another revelation in itself.......but yeah basically what pastor lee told me was, that is not my identity. then what is?

i told him i'm trying to be a good Godly woman. but he said i'm ignoring some of my unquestionable identities. my identity as a korean-american, for one. i cannot change that. my family history/background, i cannot change. so you can imagine, here i am some 22 y/o thinking i have my identity solely as a faithful christian woman, but that's not all of who i am. yes it is an integral part, but i'm repressing some of other identities. covering it up with pretensions of being a "nice girl" aka pushover. so now, i am trying to figure out little by little, pieces of me. 

after that, we went for coffee and then we got into more practical ways of bettering conflict resolutions. we learned "techniques" that we should use when in an argument. just healthy ways of arguing. i think it's safe to say, we both learned so much from pastor lee. i loved the counseling and the mentorship that we were given and it really felt like a breathe of fresh air. and its stuff like this your friends would never say to you. pastor lee was blunt and at times, overbearing but i needed to hear it...even though i didn't want to hear it sometimes, i needed to. this relationship turned 180 degrees. we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary, but i think it took 2 years for us to open our eyes and realize that without God, this relationship would not have lasted, honestly. again, God is revealing himself through this relationship.

....fastforward 5 days to today, friday. we get into our first "argument" what do we do? it's kinda like you're at a retreat and you're on fire for God, and the moment you step back into reality, it's like you never left. same with missions--you had this amazing courage from the Holy Spirit to walk up to random strangers and preach the gospel, but coming back to reality, you can't even look at the person walking next to you. how do you apply what you learned to real life? God took the training wheels off....it's time for you to learn how to ride a bike. it's hard to make an effort for something when you're so used to how things were, even when they were bad. but how can you have change without effort? i am still struggling with that and i need to draw from God's strength. it takes a lot of humility and patience, i've realized.

**random side note that i thought about**
i think one of the most Christ-like qualities matthew has and that i admire is that he never gives up on me. no matter how many times i want to quit--and there were times when i just couldn't do it anymore--he never gives in and says "fine, let's end this". and i'm so sooo thankful, that at moments when we hit a real low, he has the backbone to bring both of us up. so i am really thankful for that :)

anyways, on a lighter note, some photos from the weekend at phipps.

{had to remove bah}

okay this is it for this entry.....i need to write another one on what i learned from bible study today

AMAZING

one of my favorite passages

4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4

a good night

milk and cookies + the bible + reading about God's love for me :)

tonight, michelle and i went to mclean bible frontline arlington service and i think i can confidently say that we were both truly blessed. the worship is just like one at a conference. and the message was about the creation of the church and its purpose. i've been having trouble settling down at open door church, i guess because i was incredibly blessed with an amazing family at kupc. but today, i am once again reminded of how its not about my comfort but God's will for me. one thing that particularly stuck out for me was a nigerian proverb that stresses the importance of fellowship..."if you want to go faster, go alone. but if you want to go further, go together." i really like that.

head over heels

more and more i am trying to listen to God. i think reading the bible daily makes it easier..but anyways, today in service, we took time to listen to the Lord and see what he had to say. i was forcing myself to think about my current struggles so that God could shine some light and give me answers. but that's kinda like putting words in God's mouth. so i just stood still and he said (not the first time) "i just want to spend time with you". he wanted intimacy with me, my time, not my offering, or my services, but just time to get to know me.

i think i really get why christianity is a relational religion. besides having to have a spiritual community of brothers and sisters, and helping/serving others, i learn so much about God through people. i can understand more of his love for me through unconditional and selfless love from my parents, i understand the importance of shepherding(word?) by leading and by being led, i can grasp grace through forgiveness of others and of myself, and just so much more. but what's new to me is comparing my relationship with matthew with my relationship with God. 

i've never been in love--the romantic kind before. but i can see how God wants puppy love from me too. silly, huh? in a relationship, (at least for me) you want to be next to the person all the time, sometimes holding hands the entire time, even though it's sweaty and inconvenient to use just one hand, you just never want to let go. the most menial things...like tonight, matt and i skyped while eating dinner. we didn't really talk or anything but it just felt like i was there and he was here, and we were eating dinner together. you just pine for that closeness. and in any dating relationship, you just want to get to know more and more about each other. like if there was a book, about 750 pages long, about the life of matthew, i would want to read it. ........ do i sound like some crazy girlfriend??? but seriously, i would want to read that book. but what about God? and his book? do i eagerly want to read his book to get know him more? do i want to be next to God, talking with him, eating dinner with him, just chilling with him, in his presence? i ask myself that more since i've been dating. and God told me what he wants from me. 

he wants my time. he wants my puppy love. 

now i am not comparing matthew with God, oh no way. i am simply learning more about my priorities, my time, my thoughts, my heart. i really want to want to be with God 24/7. that's my prayer :) 

the influence

no matter how many times i read this passage, i feel like i need to constantly remind myself of what it means to be a godly woman:

"wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. for this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful" 1 peter 3:1-5

God has given women a position of influence, encouragement, and counsel. however, many of us try to influence through nagging, whining, manipulating, rather than through the purity and reverence in our attitude that is built upon trust in God's ability to change people. sometimes, i'll get discouraged because i don't see a transformation, but maybe i'm not asking God or simply not having faith. i hope i can realize that i don't have the power to do this and that all i do is seek a "gentle and quiet spirit". 

---

and aside from all this, i can't possibly not write about what is going on in japan. every morning, when i go to work, i read the newspaper on the metro. and the headlines for several weeks in february was about egypt, then it was about libya, and now it's japan. and my heart breaks for the nation. it's hard to ignore the fact that God orchestrated the earthquake and the tsunami. i heard somewhere that things like this happen because it is God's way of using a megaphone to speak to a deaf world. but what has happened made me think about the song "praise you in the storm". even though it is an utter tragedy what happened, i want to be convicted that God is a god who gives, and takes away. and that He has been trying to "whisper through the rain, 'I'm with you'" but we haven't been listening. my thoughts and prayers still go out to those afflicted in japan but i pray that i will stay praise God. 

hello

this is my first blog post! i feel bad to be leaving my faithful xanga behind. it has been so good to me...but i figured it was time to become "current". i miss the days where the number of eprops meant how cool you were. i also figured since my facebook is deactivated for about 5 months now, i need some connection to the outside world and friends can check in here to see how i am doing. 

i want this blog to be more intimate than usual and i want to write honestly. i have a lot of thoughts that never really get immortalized. i have journals and diaries but i usually get too lazy to write with pen. so to spare losing my (precious) thoughts, i shall write here. i want to write about things i care about and treasure. my faith, little bits of wisdom i pick up from here and there, my struggles, my relationships, my blessings, inspirations and such.

the title "more than ashes" is the name of a song by tim reimherr that captures all that i want this blog to be about.  to Jesus, we are the rose, we are the lily, we are His, we are His beauty. i want to keep this in mind when i write. i'm all about finding love and beauty in Christ. kinda sounds jesus-freak hippie-ish but that is what i love. and the background is a picture of a pretty peony. just because it is my favorite flower :) 

okay i will leave now. say nighty night to my new blog. (i hope i can still somehow measure my coolness without eprops)